Things You Wish You Knew #7

Reaching Your Full Potential is Subjective

For some people there’s a wicked lot of pressure to reach their full potential as determined by someone else; and an huge weight if that potential is not reached. For others, there’s a ton of pressure to reach their full potential as determined by themselves; which can be accompanied by self loathing if that potential is never reached. For those who feel pressured to take a specific path, without being  in alignment of the path, comes concealed frustration, unhappiness and discontentment with life. For those who lack social support or guidance and flounder to find direction, any direction, brings the exact same concealed frustration, unhappiness and discontentment with life. Where are you?

TYWYK@17 # 7 is Reaching Your Full Potential is Subjective. What I mean by that is do what makes You happy. You’re never going to please everybody. If you find that working at a coffee shop or being a laborer is what makes you happy for whatever reasons it does, then you have found Your purpose. If you Feel you need to travel the world on foot sleeping in shelters until you find your meaning of life, then you’ve found Your purpose. “Finding your purpose” can be a daunting task for some, and easy for others. At 55, I’m still searching for mine. Maybe I’ll never find it because I haven’t opened myself up to see opportunities as they are presented to me. Maybe I’ll never find it because I was not born into a family that nurtured and groomed me to find my own purpose. Maybe I’ve already found it and just can’t see it.

In this day and age, we (in America) are truly blessed as a result of the relentless work of this Country’s forefathers and ancestors to have worked tirelessly for better lives for their children, and guess what – that life is here and now, and available to you. No where in history has it ever been more acceptable to follow your dreams, your path and be your own identity. It’s now acceptable, to some degree, for children to not follow in their parents footsteps running the family business or becoming the DR. the family aspired them to be.

My boyfriend is blessed – he has been working in the same industry since he was in the Army, over 30 years ago; and he’s still very happy with what he does every day for 50 hours a week. I, on the other hand, have had more jobs than you can shake a stick at. Some jobs provided just an income, while others provided me with a great sense of satisfaction and meaning. When I became a mother, which was truly the most rewarding job of all, I “quit my day job.” Not too long after my 2nd child was born, I started a bridal magazine in NH. There were pieces of it I loved and pieces of it that surely were more part of the grind. What I did not realize then is that I could have found balance in that job. Taking the good with the bad – I simply did not have those skills in my tool box to recognize that with all good comes some heavy lifting too. AND, what else I didn’t realize when I was knee deep in it was that I actually was doing what I had always wanted to do. I was writing and publishing a magazine! BUT, it was only a 16 page magazine in its first print. When I sold it, 10 years later, it was 96 pages. I did that. I built that and for some reason, I simply couldn’t see the beauty in that achievement nor could I give myself any credit for the accomplishments. Additionally, I created a #1 google ranking website and penned a wedding advise book. It was never enough for me, AND no one ever said to me anything like, “Wow – look at all you’ve done. You’re amazing. Good job.” Ever. Therefore, I kept striving for more, right? Why not? I hadn’t received validation therefore I must not be achieving anything worthy of it.

If you’ve not yet heard of Maslow’s Theory of Hierarchy, or Theory of Human Motivation, human basic needs are explained in a pyramid fashion. The idea is one cannot reach Ginger's wellness wheelthe top of the pyramid, without having first achieved the previous levels on the pyramid. And, while I had already achieved success by doing what I had dreamt of doing, I did not realize it because earlier layers of my self development had never been developed.

How does this relate to you and finding your purpose is that you may already have found it, or achieved it, but because you lack development in the previous layers of life you simply cannot see it. You could be under pressure from someone else to be or do something you have no heart in doing or being. There’s plenty of research in this area that shows commonality for those who have disappointed their loved ones results in confusion and low self worth, possibly substance use and other health issues such as depression or heart disease. Feeling like you’re never enough is an awful place to be.

I wish I learned when I was 17 that what other people want from me is their problem not mine. I can’t own that and neither can  you (well you can – and that’s your willing choice to live with and find happiness within that).

 

How do you find your purpose? Find clarity in what truly makes you happy. There will likely be more than one thing that you find true joy and happiness in; seek and find balance between them. Look to your own core values to determine the road you’ll walk. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain! You’re more likely to regret conforming than you are to regret breaking free. I’ve never heard anyone say, doing what I love was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. Take your time, but keep moving. Life will unfold exactly the way it is suppose to for you when You Do You.

Just for Today – Can you focus on what you want the next 10 years, 20 years of your life to look like? Can you find clarity in your goals?

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossThe Combination Notebook:

Choices – Life is short. You Can create your Past and You are defined by your choices. #Be your own authority #Be your own advocate.

Perception – Open your mind to other possibilities-often times we are so unaware of the lies we live with, even the one’s we tell ourselves

Expectations – Let go of them

Beliefs – Question their validity and reality

Energy – Choose the type of energy you want to absorb and exude (negative or positive).

Things You Wish You Knew @ 17 #3

Your Voice is Beautiful because it belongs to you.

My voice is beautiful because it belongs to me. The third thing I’d like to share with you that I wish I had learned @ 17 is that I am beautiful because I am unique, and a one of a kind. You are beautiful because you are unique and one-of-a-kind. The entire structure of the US social idea promotes comparing ourselves to everyone else. This a deeply damaging message to tell yourself, your children, or anyone for that matter. When you are comparing yourself to someone else you are in fact comparing apples to oranges, or pickles to tomatoes, or a bicycle to an airplane (you get the pic?). Naturally, we all share some commonalities, such as breathing, brains (?), etc….but overall our absolute beauty lies in our individuality.

As I refer to my voice being beautiful, I am referring to the actual sound of my voice – which I have always struggled with the sound of it. It has only been very recently that I’ve come to accept the actual sound of my voice as being pitch-perfect, and that came from considerable work on my self worth, self esteem and accepting that I am a unique product of the universe. Behind my voice is a beautiful, innocent little girl that was conditioned by her environment – hearing many, many times that I was stupid or:

  • “What were you thinking?”
  • “You can’t do that.”
  • “You want to do what with your life?”
  • “Can’t you do anything right?”
  • “You’re an idiot!”
  • “No, no, no, no.”

Sometimes, even said in jest, these words leave affect people seeming invisibly; scarring them on the inside and inhibiting their growth, cowering their self esteem, self worth, and self confidence to flourish with their god given natural beauty.

Recently, at a training I was conducting, I asked a young, attractive gal to read out load off of the PowerPoint presentation. She replied, “I don’t want to read, I hate my voice.’ I could completely relate to her. She actually had a pretty nice voice; to her, however, it sounded ugly. Her thinking is directly related to her own self worth and lack of acceptance of the beauty of human nature coupled with individual uniqueness. I told her I could relate and that I once too felt that about my voice – sure I’m no Carrie Underwood or Celine Dion when it comes to harmony and perfect angelic like tones. I am, however, equally as important and beautiful on the inside and the out as anyone else. I carry my own special gifts and talents in this world and SO DO YOU. If you don’t believe this concept that is likely because you haven’t uncovered or discovered who you are, or what your voice is. Finding your voice is about finding your identity and being OK with that identity. People will always judge – and that says more about them than it does about you. As Taylor Swift says, “Haters gonna hate.” That’s not healthy and does not produce a happy life. If you haven’t yet found your voice, know that everyone brings the ability to love one another to this world and that, by itself, is beautiful and so are you!

Just For Today – tell yourself you are beautiful.

The Combination Notebook:

Energy – It requires a ton of energy to dislike yourself and your voice; you own the choice to turn that negative energy to positive.

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossChoices – You get to choose what you want to believe and every choice has a consequence; some good – some not.

Energy – Be aware of your energy levels when you’re angry versus when you are happy. Feel the difference.

Beliefs – are usually learned behavior from your upbringing.

Perception – Perceptions are built from environments. You get to choose what you want to think ad believe.

Expectations – are built from perceptions, and again – environment. These are learned behaviors. You can change them.

Choices – Unhealthy or healthy – conform to society (generally unhealthy) or maintain high ethics, morals and values (healthy).

How do you choose to use this day you’ve been given?

Healthy choices, friends.