Things You Wish You Knew #7

Reaching Your Full Potential is Subjective

For some people there’s a wicked lot of pressure to reach their full potential as determined by someone else; and an huge weight if that potential is not reached. For others, there’s a ton of pressure to reach their full potential as determined by themselves; which can be accompanied by self loathing if that potential is never reached. For those who feel pressured to take a specific path, without being  in alignment of the path, comes concealed frustration, unhappiness and discontentment with life. For those who lack social support or guidance and flounder to find direction, any direction, brings the exact same concealed frustration, unhappiness and discontentment with life. Where are you?

TYWYK@17 # 7 is Reaching Your Full Potential is Subjective. What I mean by that is do what makes You happy. You’re never going to please everybody. If you find that working at a coffee shop or being a laborer is what makes you happy for whatever reasons it does, then you have found Your purpose. If you Feel you need to travel the world on foot sleeping in shelters until you find your meaning of life, then you’ve found Your purpose. “Finding your purpose” can be a daunting task for some, and easy for others. At 55, I’m still searching for mine. Maybe I’ll never find it because I haven’t opened myself up to see opportunities as they are presented to me. Maybe I’ll never find it because I was not born into a family that nurtured and groomed me to find my own purpose. Maybe I’ve already found it and just can’t see it.

In this day and age, we (in America) are truly blessed as a result of the relentless work of this Country’s forefathers and ancestors to have worked tirelessly for better lives for their children, and guess what – that life is here and now, and available to you. No where in history has it ever been more acceptable to follow your dreams, your path and be your own identity. It’s now acceptable, to some degree, for children to not follow in their parents footsteps running the family business or becoming the DR. the family aspired them to be.

My boyfriend is blessed – he has been working in the same industry since he was in the Army, over 30 years ago; and he’s still very happy with what he does every day for 50 hours a week. I, on the other hand, have had more jobs than you can shake a stick at. Some jobs provided just an income, while others provided me with a great sense of satisfaction and meaning. When I became a mother, which was truly the most rewarding job of all, I “quit my day job.” Not too long after my 2nd child was born, I started a bridal magazine in NH. There were pieces of it I loved and pieces of it that surely were more part of the grind. What I did not realize then is that I could have found balance in that job. Taking the good with the bad – I simply did not have those skills in my tool box to recognize that with all good comes some heavy lifting too. AND, what else I didn’t realize when I was knee deep in it was that I actually was doing what I had always wanted to do. I was writing and publishing a magazine! BUT, it was only a 16 page magazine in its first print. When I sold it, 10 years later, it was 96 pages. I did that. I built that and for some reason, I simply couldn’t see the beauty in that achievement nor could I give myself any credit for the accomplishments. Additionally, I created a #1 google ranking website and penned a wedding advise book. It was never enough for me, AND no one ever said to me anything like, “Wow – look at all you’ve done. You’re amazing. Good job.” Ever. Therefore, I kept striving for more, right? Why not? I hadn’t received validation therefore I must not be achieving anything worthy of it.

If you’ve not yet heard of Maslow’s Theory of Hierarchy, or Theory of Human Motivation, human basic needs are explained in a pyramid fashion. The idea is one cannot reach Ginger's wellness wheelthe top of the pyramid, without having first achieved the previous levels on the pyramid. And, while I had already achieved success by doing what I had dreamt of doing, I did not realize it because earlier layers of my self development had never been developed.

How does this relate to you and finding your purpose is that you may already have found it, or achieved it, but because you lack development in the previous layers of life you simply cannot see it. You could be under pressure from someone else to be or do something you have no heart in doing or being. There’s plenty of research in this area that shows commonality for those who have disappointed their loved ones results in confusion and low self worth, possibly substance use and other health issues such as depression or heart disease. Feeling like you’re never enough is an awful place to be.

I wish I learned when I was 17 that what other people want from me is their problem not mine. I can’t own that and neither can  you (well you can – and that’s your willing choice to live with and find happiness within that).

 

How do you find your purpose? Find clarity in what truly makes you happy. There will likely be more than one thing that you find true joy and happiness in; seek and find balance between them. Look to your own core values to determine the road you’ll walk. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain! You’re more likely to regret conforming than you are to regret breaking free. I’ve never heard anyone say, doing what I love was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. Take your time, but keep moving. Life will unfold exactly the way it is suppose to for you when You Do You.

Just for Today – Can you focus on what you want the next 10 years, 20 years of your life to look like? Can you find clarity in your goals?

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossThe Combination Notebook:

Choices – Life is short. You Can create your Past and You are defined by your choices. #Be your own authority #Be your own advocate.

Perception – Open your mind to other possibilities-often times we are so unaware of the lies we live with, even the one’s we tell ourselves

Expectations – Let go of them

Beliefs – Question their validity and reality

Energy – Choose the type of energy you want to absorb and exude (negative or positive).

Things You Wish You Knew @ 17 #5

Everything you learn(ed) from your parent(s) may be wrong.

Bountiful research exists on how we become the individuals we are. Believe it or not, most, if not all, of your personality traits, beliefs, traditions, strengths and behavior were developed by the age of 18. There have been many debates about whether nature (your genes) or nurture (your upbringing) has more influence. Some research suggests that both play a major in your development, and I buy into this theory.

You may notice that you have many of the same gestures or thought processes as your parent—these characteristics are nature. You also may notice that you’ve taken on some, or many, of their behaviors, such as how to socialize, how to express anger, how to dress appropriately, as well as different manners and values—these are examples of nurture.

Let’s dive deeper here. Let’s say that you have a strong tendency, or need, to control others or to have the last word. Perhaps your form of communication leads you towards always getting into arguments with other people. Maybe you’re never satisfied with the performance of others and you always think it would be easier if you did it yourself. (It’s actually not, but that’s another topic!). Maybe you’re always anxious or nervous, or you burden yourself with the highest expectations of yourself. Maybe you eat out every day, spend a lot of money, shop all the time and have way too much “stuff.” All of these pieces make up who you are and they are usually learned behaviors that have been mirrored from some social influence in your life. Or you learned them as a protective mechanism for your internal beliefs.

Now let’s look at the other side of the equation: the reality that simply because you learned these behaviors from your parents doesn’t make them acceptable, appropriate or healthy. You’ve learned them and whichever ones you don’t like, you can unlearn them—starting today!

On belief that I had taken on form my upbringing was that the only way to communicate was through sarcasm and anger. It took me nearly half my life to recognize that my tone was sharp and people often perceived me as always being angry. That certainly was not the person I felt like inside, or that I wanted to be. To learn how to communicate effectively, I had to un-learn what I had been taught and believed.

I had many more beliefs to un-learn. I lived under the impression that I was a respected and capable person, but that was only because I could achieve anything for anyone

Everything you thought you knew is wrong

Courtesy of https://quotefancy.com/quote/1033086/Tom-Stoppard-It-s-the-best-possible-time-to-be-alive-when-almost-everything-you-thought

else. That was part of the identity I had forged form my past. For years, I lived in a dark, lonely place where I always seemed to be searching for something. In reflection, that something was my own identity. Also, because I didn’t have anyone cheering me on to pursue my dreams while growing up, I didn’t believe I could have real dreams of my own—and go after them. After much floundering I un-learned these beliefs and built a life that is truly my won, which includes finding work with meaning and purpose.

So now I’m here to assure you that even if no one believed in yourself in the past, you can believe in yourself now. And if you don’t like the ideas, rituals and beliefs that you were raised with, you can change them. Life is short; your journey starts today. What are you waiting for to make your life a life full of becoming you and making every day the best day it can be?

 

Just for Today – When the lights go out, can you look inside of yourself and be happy with your behavior that you are creating now, not the behavior that you learned back then? Can you believe in yourself?

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossThe Combination Notebook:

Choices – Life is short. You Can create your Past and You are defined by your choices. #Be your own authority #Be your own advocate.

Perception – Open your mind to other possibilities regarding beliefs and behaviors. Often we are unaware of the lies we live with, even the ones we tell ourselves.

Beliefs – Question their validity and reality, especially if they seem to belong to someone else!

 

Expectations – Let go of them

Beliefs – Question their validity and reality

Energy – Choose the type of energy you want to absorb and perspire

 

 

Compromise

Compromise It can be really difficult for some to exercise this word, BUT compromise is a prevalent fact of life. If you’re one of those among us who simply cannot compromise challenge yourself to search within and uncover why not? There are underlying reasons and through the awareness of these reasons you can begin to awaken your cognitive (mental mindfulness) functions and make significant changes in your behavior to improve your overall health and mental well being. Your comments are always welcome by email at thecombination97@gmail.com or on fb.me/Thecombinationlife. #Positivelife @thecombinationliife

Power up my friend.

Ginger Ross

What is “Ritual”

#Positivethinking

Is this a word you tend to stay away from because it has an eerie/religous association or perhaps because the word itself implies commitment? Two starkly contrasting ideas associated with this word. Like all concepts discussed on my platform of The Combination – you have a choice on how to interpret this word, Ritual. For today’s message I’d like to share the definition of the word as I heard it today on a Youtube Ted X Talk by Baya Voce; she describes ritual as Repeated Action + Intention = Desired Outcome.

Deepak Chopra states that we are made up of two ingredients, energy and awareness. I say if you want to make changes in your daily life you must develop a ritual to heighten your awareness of your energy. Try something for me, give someone a compliment and take a moment to reeeeallly identify the energy in your body after. Some time later, I want you to criticize someone – cuss and swear or piss and moan; then take a moment to feel how you feel. Do you feel any difference?

That’s energy.  If you don’t like how the latter part of this exercise made you feel, I ask you to create a ritual to identify how often each day you generate negative energy, and did you receive the desired outcome you were looking for? Once you’ve done this for a few days and are determined you want to change – you have the choice to make a new ritual, or habit, of pausing and reframing your delivery, your energy, your outcomes.

As always, I welcome your feedback by email at Thecombination97@gmail.com or on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/The-Combination-Things-I-Wish-I-Learned-When-I-Was-17-396245154147533/?ref=bookmarks

Healthy Choices – Healthy Life

Ginger Ross