Things You Wish You Knew @ 17 #3

Your Voice is Beautiful because it belongs to you.

My voice is beautiful because it belongs to me. The third thing I’d like to share with you that I wish I had learned @ 17 is that I am beautiful because I am unique, and a one of a kind. You are beautiful because you are unique and one-of-a-kind. The entire structure of the US social idea promotes comparing ourselves to everyone else. This a deeply damaging message to tell yourself, your children, or anyone for that matter. When you are comparing yourself to someone else you are in fact comparing apples to oranges, or pickles to tomatoes, or a bicycle to an airplane (you get the pic?). Naturally, we all share some commonalities, such as breathing, brains (?), etc….but overall our absolute beauty lies in our individuality.

As I refer to my voice being beautiful, I am referring to the actual sound of my voice – which I have always struggled with the sound of it. It has only been very recently that I’ve come to accept the actual sound of my voice as being pitch-perfect, and that came from considerable work on my self worth, self esteem and accepting that I am a unique product of the universe. Behind my voice is a beautiful, innocent little girl that was conditioned by her environment – hearing many, many times that I was stupid or:

  • “What were you thinking?”
  • “You can’t do that.”
  • “You want to do what with your life?”
  • “Can’t you do anything right?”
  • “You’re an idiot!”
  • “No, no, no, no.”

Sometimes, even said in jest, these words leave affect people seeming invisibly; scarring them on the inside and inhibiting their growth, cowering their self esteem, self worth, and self confidence to flourish with their god given natural beauty.

Recently, at a training I was conducting, I asked a young, attractive gal to read out load off of the PowerPoint presentation. She replied, “I don’t want to read, I hate my voice.’ I could completely relate to her. She actually had a pretty nice voice; to her, however, it sounded ugly. Her thinking is directly related to her own self worth and lack of acceptance of the beauty of human nature coupled with individual uniqueness. I told her I could relate and that I once too felt that about my voice – sure I’m no Carrie Underwood or Celine Dion when it comes to harmony and perfect angelic like tones. I am, however, equally as important and beautiful on the inside and the out as anyone else. I carry my own special gifts and talents in this world and SO DO YOU. If you don’t believe this concept that is likely because you haven’t uncovered or discovered who you are, or what your voice is. Finding your voice is about finding your identity and being OK with that identity. People will always judge – and that says more about them than it does about you. As Taylor Swift says, “Haters gonna hate.” That’s not healthy and does not produce a happy life. If you haven’t yet found your voice, know that everyone brings the ability to love one another to this world and that, by itself, is beautiful and so are you!

Just For Today – tell yourself you are beautiful.

The Combination Notebook:

Energy – It requires a ton of energy to dislike yourself and your voice; you own the choice to turn that negative energy to positive.

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossChoices – You get to choose what you want to believe and every choice has a consequence; some good – some not.

Energy – Be aware of your energy levels when you’re angry versus when you are happy. Feel the difference.

Beliefs – are usually learned behavior from your upbringing.

Perception – Perceptions are built from environments. You get to choose what you want to think ad believe.

Expectations – are built from perceptions, and again – environment. These are learned behaviors. You can change them.

Choices – Unhealthy or healthy – conform to society (generally unhealthy) or maintain high ethics, morals and values (healthy).

How do you choose to use this day you’ve been given?

Healthy choices, friends.

 

 

Stuck – Don’t even want to hear yourself talk

You’ve heard the saying, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all”?

Over the past few years, I have tried hard to keep negative talk and criticism from coming out of my mouth; or even entering into my mind #energy. Recently, I find myself engaging in it. In a matter of 20 minutes I managed to offer a better way and reason why the what my boyfriend was doing was not the way I would have done it.

Taking life too seriously – lighten up. At the end of the day does it matter where the soap dish goes in the shower? Is it permanent? How much does it really effect me if it doesn’t go where I would have put it? Time for a gratitude list.

#Choice Challenge – can you identify where you are not living and let living. Can you hear where you’re imposing your ideas and beliefs on someone else and working hard to get them to see it your way? Do you have those moments where you wish you didn’t say anything at all? Your choice challenge is to let go of the control today. The world will still revolve if things are done your way, or if someone makes a mistake – that’s how we grow. Be kind, keep your mouth close (unless safety is an issue) and spread love.

Your comments are welcome, always!
Thank you for powering up today

Ginger

P.S., This type of energy is generally learned. You can unlearn it with simple mindfulness and cognitive (conscious) turning it around, or simply keeping your mouth closed.

 

Choice Wheel by Ginger Ross

Things you wish you knew @ 17 #2 ~ Choices

You make hundreds of choices every day – and only YOU own and have control over each and everyone of them.

Each and every moment holds the potential to create a dramatic change in your life
direction. Th choices that you make at any time and in any situation can steer you down the
right path or the wrong path. But as we often forget, we are the ones in charge of making those
choices and we are responsible for where they lead us.
When I was 17, I joined the Army. Why? Because my mother told me to. She just
wanted me out of the house, and I had no idea what else to do. Throughout my adolescence, I
never received any guidance—I lacked any ability to make positive, healthy, self-driven choices.
It took me a long time to understand that every single seemingly unimportant choice I made
from the moment that I turned 18 was my choice alone, and every one of those “miniscule”
decisions would play a role in shaping who I would become. I had to learn that who I am and
where I am at this point in my life is because of my choices…period. There’s no one else to
blame.

Some of the most colossal misapplications of my God-given rights to own my own life
happened when I allowed the opinions of others, absent of all personal consideration, to
influence my decisions. I was a people-pleaser, which meant that I was the last person I thought
about when making decisions. I always focused on how my actions would benefit another
person, and the reward for myself was recognition from others. What I had not learned was
that I had the power to make decisions to benefit myself—not in a self-serving or self-righteous
way, but in a manner aimed at achieving desired outcomes for my life, my dreams, my passions.

I’ll give you an example of how even a small, simple choice can significantly impact your
life. A month or so after renting a condo while trying to recover from a traumatizing divorce, my
place was not exactly all put-together yet. I especially kept noticing a bunch of hangers laying in
the middle of my walk-in closet. Every day I was getting angrier and angrier at those hangers for
being in my way! One day, I finally had an epiphany that would move me towards changing the
rest of my life: all I needed to do was bend over and pick up the blankety-blank hangers!
This realization prompted me to look at the rest of my daily actions, or lack thereof, and
put everything in perspective. I could moan and groan about the dishes, or the car that needed
repairs, or all the other errands that I hadn’t gotten around to. That would my choice to
complain about all that stuff and consume my energy on the complaining, rather than simply
moving forward, piece by piece, just doing the stuff that needed to get done.

That’s the broad view of choices. The narrower view looks like this: you get to decide
what you want to think about today and how you want to think about it. For example, do you
want to criticize someone today and let that consume your day, carrying that judgment about
another person and a false belief that this way of thinking is healthy? Do you want to eat that
candy bar or drink that soda because one more won’t matter—you’ll start your diet tomorrow?
Do you want to get pissed off at the person on the other end of the phone because you think
you’re the only person that matters? Do you want to talk to your children in a condescending, insulting way because that’s the way you were spoken to by your parents, or because things didn’t go your way today? Do you want to continue a pattern of blaming others for where your
life is today, using your past as a handy excuse?

The choice is yours. You Own It. You get to decide whether or not to generate positivity,
productivity, love and kindness in your life each and every second you breathe.

Just for Today – Can you remain positive in every encounter? Just for
today, can you recognize each and every decision you make, AND can you think through your decisions and consider the outcomes before
you make your choices?

The Combination Notebook:
Choices – How you make every day count is up to you. No matter what happened to you in the past, YOU OWN THIS MOMENT, and every moment from this day forward.

The Combination:

Choice Wheel by Ginger Ross#Beliefs create your #expectations – you can change them

#Choices allow you to generate positive energy around love and live a happier, healthier life – you own them

Your perception of how others communicate love is likely misinterpreted and also none of your business ~ you get to decide

You have the choice to spend your #energy in a #positive manner, creating more #positive energy and being a power of example.

You decide! How you make every day count is up to you. You own from this day forward.

The combination – Beliefs, Perceptions, Expectations, Energy, Choices, Energy

Things I wish I learned @ 17 #1

The #1 thing I wish I learned @ 17 is What Is Love

Do you think you know what Love really is? When I was 17 I’m pretty sure I thought I knew, when in reality I truly did not.

No one ever told me or showed me what love was. My parents divorced when I was 5.
My mother hated my father and vice versa, and they weren’t big enough to rise above that for
the sake of the children. My father was almost entirely absent in my life, and my mother bad-
mouthed him every chance she got. Since she worked 3 jobs to support 3 kids and a home, she
was never around much either. My older brother and sister got away with everything, and I was
told that I was a mistake and the reason for my parents’ break-up. In our home, no one ever
said “I love you,” no one ever hugged, no one ever really even said a kind word to each other. It
was constant tension. My mother constantly barked orders at me and groomed m to please
others.
I was left to develop my own concept of love: working hard at your job, ordering others
around to maintain the house, and doing everything you can to try to gain the approval of
others. Naturally I entered into a marriage that mirrored the same behaviors I had grown up
with: authoritative, lacking in emotional expression, the total absence of compliments and
kindness. In other words, no real love. We had a big house, expensive vehicles and a whole
theatrical production that made us look picture-perfect on the outside. Of course, on the inside
it was empty. Eventually, I collapsed from extreme unhappiness that for far too long I didn’t
even know was there.
Today, with the love and support of a small village that nurtured me back to health, I
can say that I’ve begun to know what love is and I’m doing my best to practice it. Webster’s
dictionary definition of love includes the term, “a strong affection for another,” but I believe that the definition that my dear friend Tin Foil shared with me captures it even better: Love isunconditional acceptance.

My goal is to accept everyone and everything as the imperfect people, places, and
things that they are. Most importantly, I strive to carry an unconditional acceptance of myself. I
have learned that I must truly learn to accept myself as I am before I can live a judgement-free
life with a message of “one love,” which is the Rastafarian concept of living – we are all cut from
the same cloth.

Everyone has their own concepts of love. Unfortunately, some people believe that they
are showing love by showering others with gifts, and others are convinced that name-calling
and sarcasm can be done in the name of love. Behaviors like that are examples of power and
control, not love. Love is not calling someone stupid or telling them they can’t do anything
right. Love does not allow anger, frustration and resentment to rule the day. That kind of love
needs to be un-learned.

Love is kindness. Love is gentle. Love finds the strengths in others.

Just for Today – Love is a skill that we can all work on. So just for today,
don’t judge anyone. Can you do it?

 

The Combination Notebook:
(Note: The combination brings together our Beliefs, Perceptions, Expectations, Energy,
Choices, and Energy. Each lesson will refer to one or more of these concepts as they apply to
the specific lesson we are exploring.)

Choice Wheel by Ginger RossChoices – Choices allow you to generate positive energy around love and live a happier,
healthier life. You have the choice to spend your energy in a positive manner, creating more
positive energy and being a power of example.
Perceptions – Your perception of how others communicate love is likely misinterpreted

 


#Beliefs create your #expectations

#Choices allow you to generate positive energy around love and live a happier, healthier life

Your perception of how others communicate love is likely misinterpreted and also none of your business.

You have the choice to spend your #energy in a #positive manner, creating more #positive energy and being a power of example.

Let your love shine!

The combination – Beliefs, Perceptions, Expectations, Energy, Choices, Energy

 

 

Ginger’s Wellness Wheel

Has anyone ever heard of someone that has life theories, has become a life coach, or a self hep guru that hasn’t gone through and prevailed from hard times? I’m just curious. I was watching Idol last night, I admit it, and it inspired ME greatly to hear the stories. Although I consider myself an inspirer and I do work diligently at my daily practice of achieving my goals there are some days when I am simply exhausted, lazy, and ready to throw in the towel. When I take a day off from my positive thinking, and my goals, self doubt spreads like the plague.

Ginger Ross Personal Life Coach

My first “Classical Headstand” Eva!

This morning, Monday morning, I usually go to my favorite yoga class at 9AM. This morning, I worked very hard at talking myself out of going (#energy consuming), thinking of any excuse to satisfy my conscience. Battling with the voices in my head…you need to go, you should go, I don’t want to go – I picked my head up and went. It was one of the top 10 best yoga sessions I’ve ever had. Turned out I was the only one who attended the class and I received personal instructions (and some venting time). I tried a few things I had never tried before stretching out of my comfort zone experiencing some less than perfect success.

If I hadn’t picked myself up and begrudgingly rolled over to the studio I wouldn’t have reached new heights. I likely would still be sitting here at the computer wondering what today’s blog would be about. Moral of the story, in conjunction with what I took away from those stories of strength last night was something I already know…that success and healthy living requires daily diligence; and that can be exhausting for anyone. Take your breaks and your pity parties but get right back up and aim for the target, whatever that may be for you. Take small bites, moment by moment and  your dreams and goals will be reached.

Thanks Lisa Burner from Soleil Yoga – for one of my top ten yoga days and exactly what I needed. The universe will not give you what you need if you are sitting still (#expectations). It will always give you what you need if you are taking action (#choices).

 

The beauty of life

Compromise

Compromise It can be really difficult for some to exercise this word, BUT compromise is a prevalent fact of life. If you’re one of those among us who simply cannot compromise challenge yourself to search within and uncover why not? There are underlying reasons and through the awareness of these reasons you can begin to awaken your cognitive (mental mindfulness) functions and make significant changes in your behavior to improve your overall health and mental well being. Your comments are always welcome by email at thecombination97@gmail.com or on fb.me/Thecombinationlife. #Positivelife @thecombinationliife

Power up my friend.

Ginger Ross

What is “Ritual”

#Positivethinking

Is this a word you tend to stay away from because it has an eerie/religous association or perhaps because the word itself implies commitment? Two starkly contrasting ideas associated with this word. Like all concepts discussed on my platform of The Combination – you have a choice on how to interpret this word, Ritual. For today’s message I’d like to share the definition of the word as I heard it today on a Youtube Ted X Talk by Baya Voce; she describes ritual as Repeated Action + Intention = Desired Outcome.

Deepak Chopra states that we are made up of two ingredients, energy and awareness. I say if you want to make changes in your daily life you must develop a ritual to heighten your awareness of your energy. Try something for me, give someone a compliment and take a moment to reeeeallly identify the energy in your body after. Some time later, I want you to criticize someone – cuss and swear or piss and moan; then take a moment to feel how you feel. Do you feel any difference?

That’s energy.  If you don’t like how the latter part of this exercise made you feel, I ask you to create a ritual to identify how often each day you generate negative energy, and did you receive the desired outcome you were looking for? Once you’ve done this for a few days and are determined you want to change – you have the choice to make a new ritual, or habit, of pausing and reframing your delivery, your energy, your outcomes.

As always, I welcome your feedback by email at Thecombination97@gmail.com or on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/The-Combination-Things-I-Wish-I-Learned-When-I-Was-17-396245154147533/?ref=bookmarks

Healthy Choices – Healthy Life

Ginger Ross

Love this Re-framing Tool

There are many many studies that state our beliefs are the most significant contributors to our behaviors and if you don’t like your behaviors AND want to make a change, that you need to change your beliefs. For me, I benefited greatly through my struggles with divorce, alcoholism and issues with my mother from changing my beliefs through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT); known to be a highly effective modality for change. You might not want to go to therapy, or maybe you simply don’t have the $$ for it – here’s an online tool for re-framing your thinking. I went through the steps and found this tool to be easy to use and provokes thinking; AND with anything, it requires constant daily vigilance in order for the process to work. It’s not a one and done type tool. I share this link with you today in an effort to provide you with a tool that can promote some introspection and hopefully get you on the right track to execute the changes you wish to make in your life.

I welcome your comments at gingerross23@gmail.com or here on Facebook.

Thank you Mark Tyrrell, from Uncommon Knowledge, for this link

http://reframe.thnk.org/tool/step/1/

Look at yourself and your choices today – how can you re-frame your thinking to live your life on purpose?