Everything you learn(ed) from your parent(s) is not necessarily healthy or accurate information.
Bountiful research exists on how “We” become the individuals we become. Science is readily available which provides evidence around how your personality develops, your habits
and behavior traits, and how you develop our belief systems. You may be reluctant to believe that most, if not all, of your personality was developed by the age of 18 via nature or nurture theories (does your personality form as a result of your genes or is it your upbringing). Some research indicates both play a role in your development, and after thoughtful introspection on my personality traits, beliefs, traditions, and strengths I buy into this theory. You may notice about yourself that you have certain gestures or thought processes as your parent(s); these characteristics are nature; and you may notice that you’ve taken on some, or many, of their behaviors such as how to socialize, how to express anger, how to dress appropriately, different manners and values; these are examples of nurture.
Let’s dive deeper. You may notice that you have a strong tendency, or need, to control others or have the last word. Perhaps your form of communication leads you towards always getting into an argument with people. Maybe you’re never satisfied with the performance of others and you always think it would be easier if you did it yourself (it’s actually not – that’s another topic). Maybe you’re always anxious or nervous, or have the highest expectations of yourself. Maybe your tone of voice is often sarcastic when you really don’t intend to be. Perhaps you never exercise or you always exercise to the extreme. Maybe you eat out every day, spend a lot of money, shop all the time and have way too much “stuff.” All of these pieces make up who you are and they are all most often learned behaviors that have been mirrored from some social influence in your life; or you learned them as a protective mechanism for your internal beliefs? Let me share the reality that simply because you learned these behaviors from your parents it doesn’t make the acceptable, appropriate, or healthy. In any event – you’ve learned them and whatever ones you don’t like, you can unlearn them.- staring today! #Choices #Youownit
For me, stated previously, guidance was not a gift I received, and even at the age of 17-when I joined the military, I had no idea “who I was,” (I bet you can relate to that). I Didn’t know I was suppose to have an identity. Sure, I walked around throwing my false confidence around and perception was that I had high self esteem and self confidence; on the inside I was an empty person going through the motions of life, the motions that I learned through my upbringing. Don’t get close to men, cower to authority, say yes when someone asks you something, don’t have a unique thought, etc. I also possessed other skills such as the ability to keep things clean and organized. How to cook, do laundry and follow rules. That was my skill set and I fit perfectly in the military.
What I did not learn was how to communicate effectively (or even remotely effectively). The only way I knew how to communicate was through sarcasm and anger. It took me a foolish amount of time, nearly half my life, to recognize that my tone was sharp and people often perceived me as always angry. That certainly was not the person I felt like inside, or that I wanted to be.
Finally, I did not know how to care authentically about myself, or others. Sure, I loved my friends and family – on the surface, what I didn’t know was what love was #1. (Please note, when I refer to my family in this instance I am referring to my aunts and uncles and cousins – not my children). What layed underneath was the fact that I had really high self-confidence, yet NO self-worth. I would/could achieve anything for anyone else – never for myself, yet, I lived under the impression that I was a respected, capable, loving person.
It was a dark lonely place that I didn’t know I was in, and I always seemed to be searching for something – . In reflection, it was my own identity. I grew up not knowing what love was, not having anyone to cheer me on for grades or sports or pursuing my dreams, and therefore I didn’t know who I was or believe in myself. I didn’t know how to figure that out either. This was a shock when I learned it because I had lived under the false notion that I knew exactly who I was, what I wanted and where I was going.
When I got out of the Army, I floundered around searching for a meaning, a purpose. From job to job – I floundered. Finally, I secured a job with Marriott Corp at a position I seemed to shine in – there were rules and it was challenging, AND people were happy. Perfect fit for me.
I’m here to share with you that even if it seems no one believes in you you can believe in yourself. If you don’t like the way ideas, rituals, and beliefs that you were raised with that you can change them. Your journey starts today. What are you waiting for to make your life a life full of becoming you and making every day the best day it can be.
When the lights go out do you believe in yourself? Do you believe in your friends, children, family members? Can you look inside of you and be happy with your outward behaviors?
Life is short. You Can create your Past and You are defined by your choices. #Be your own authority #Be your own advocate
#Choices – You decide the life you want to live
#Perception – Open your mind to other possibilities-often times we are so unaware of the lies we live with, even the one’s we tell ourselves.
Expectations – Let go of them
Beliefs – Question their validity and reality
Energy – Choose the type of energy you want to absorb and prespire